MEETING WITH THE EX

I have been thinking a lot about my EX. The guy that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with before I moved to San Fran. I realized that I was going to continue to think about him until I heard from him. I have been struggling with the idea of reaching out to him because I don’t want to take a step backwards and I also don’t want to hear all of the terrible things he probably thinks of me. After much reflection and self-doubt I realized that I had to do this.. I had to text him in order to move on. When we broke up, we just stopped talking cold turkey. I missed him and I never truly got passed what we had. Much to my surprise he texted me back and asked to meet. I was so nervous but felt a warm tingle in my gut telling me I did the right thing. The next day we meet up for drinks at a local Austin bar. We took a couple of shots to ease our nerves and fell right back in sync of talking to one another like we had before. It felt like nothing had changed between us (except for the underlining fact that I tore us apart).  After a couple more drinks I felt ballsy enough to apologize for everything. He of course didn’t want to hear it, but I had to get it off my chest. I loved him more than anything in this world and I put him aside for a possible career. He needed to know that I regretted every moment of it. After I spilled out my heart he grabbed my hands and told me to stop talking. He said it was nice to see me and that he missed me too. Upon walking me to my car he invited me back to his house.  I started to refuse his offer when he pushed me up against my car and kissed me. It felt so good to feel his lips on me… to feel like he forgave me a little. I told him I would come back to his apartment but he had to promise me he wouldn’t kiss me again. Once we were in the comfort of his home we talked some more. When the sun started to rise I realized it was time to get a little bit of sleep before I drove back to my moms house. So I crashed on his couch. He kept his promise and didn’t kiss me again.. even though I wanted him to. I left the next morning feeling relieved, giddy and hopeful.