FIRST REAL DATE

I met up with some old friends from SF at golden gate park and they brought along a bunch of friends from their college days. We all played games, drank, and two-stepped in the grass before going out for the night. Everyone was so nice but one guy caught my eye. He was super..super cute and was really sweet. We ended up playing beer pong together later that evening and dominated the table! We made a good team and obviously shared a mutual connection for one another. Before the night ended he asked me out for breakfast the next morning and dinner that night. Two dates in one day! I was really impressed with this guy’s persistence. Both dates went really well. I was a little hung-over for both since we went out the night before but he was such an interesting person to talk to that I never really felt a dull moment between us. He ended up walking me home trough the park and kissed me at the door. He then asked me out on yet another date. I was surprised but already really giddy about the idea. I have never really dated anyone before. I have only been in serious relationships.. maybe it was time I tried something different. We went out on another date and had a blast and ended up spending the whole weekend together watching football. I don’t want to give up hope about moving back to TX but then again I figure since I am here and since this is the fist time in my life that I am single.. that I should at least enjoy it for the time being.

DANCE IT OUT

I have been talking a variety of dance classes recently.  From Bollywood to twerk-ology I have found a huge passion for dance. I know I am not the best.. I look like a white girl attempting to pop it and move my body in a way only people with rhythm can! I am working out, learning choreography, and having a blast while doing it. I have gone to 4 classes in the past two weeks and I plan on keeping it up. I hope to one day be able to not look like a fool while getting’ low but until then I am just going to keep on wiggling with a smile on my face.

FIRST DAY

The first day at my new internship in SF was equally exciting and sad. I felt like I had left my heart back in Texas but was so giddy with excitement about this new opportunity at my dream company. I met all 14 of the interns and quietly sat at my desk. I haven’t really worked on much since I’ve been here but the stuff I have gotten to do has been really fun and engaging. I know the storm of work is coming and I just need to be patient but I cant help but stress out about finding a job after this. I have four months here and then I don’t know where I will end up. I need something permanent.. I need to have a plan. I can no long go with the flow and not know where I am going to end up.

FALLING

My EX and I have been seeing each other for the past couple of weeks now and I have realized that I still love him. I know I told myself that I wouldn’t get attached but the thought of not being with him while I am still in TX just sounds absurd. We have spent almost every night together since we reconnected. It feels so good to have my best friend back in my life. I realized that if I wasn’t leaving for an SF in a couple of weeks that I probably wouldn’t have pushed so hard to see him again. I also realized that after this internship if I get the opportunity to move back to Texas I would. I still wanted to be with him and I felt like he wanted the same. We spent New Years together and tried to remain hopeful that a job position would make itself available to me in Austin in the near future. I don’t want to leave but I know I need to enjoy this time in my life and embrace this opportunity to the fullest, even though it pains me to leave.

MOVING BACK

Two days after I saw my EX I got an email from the SF agency telling me I got the job! I was so ecstatic!! It had been over two months since I had first applied (and turned down the Dallas job). I had been praying to the universe that this would work out. In the wake of hearing the news about the job, tears started to form in my eyes. I had grown accustom to living at home and being surrounded by friends. Now I had to return to a city that has rejected me twice and had literally broken my heart, my confidence, and my self-worth. I was scared but I had to go. The universe was pulling me back to SF for a reason and I had to follow. I knew if I didn’t, I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I accepted the position.. and then I texted my EX and asked him if we could meet up again for a drink. I needed to tell someone that I was feeling torn about my decision to go back and I knew in the bottom of my heart he would convince me that this is what I needed in my life. This is why we broke up.. so I could chase after this dream.

MEETING WITH THE EX

I have been thinking a lot about my EX. The guy that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with before I moved to San Fran. I realized that I was going to continue to think about him until I heard from him. I have been struggling with the idea of reaching out to him because I don’t want to take a step backwards and I also don’t want to hear all of the terrible things he probably thinks of me. After much reflection and self-doubt I realized that I had to do this.. I had to text him in order to move on. When we broke up, we just stopped talking cold turkey. I missed him and I never truly got passed what we had. Much to my surprise he texted me back and asked to meet. I was so nervous but felt a warm tingle in my gut telling me I did the right thing. The next day we meet up for drinks at a local Austin bar. We took a couple of shots to ease our nerves and fell right back in sync of talking to one another like we had before. It felt like nothing had changed between us (except for the underlining fact that I tore us apart).  After a couple more drinks I felt ballsy enough to apologize for everything. He of course didn’t want to hear it, but I had to get it off my chest. I loved him more than anything in this world and I put him aside for a possible career. He needed to know that I regretted every moment of it. After I spilled out my heart he grabbed my hands and told me to stop talking. He said it was nice to see me and that he missed me too. Upon walking me to my car he invited me back to his house.  I started to refuse his offer when he pushed me up against my car and kissed me. It felt so good to feel his lips on me… to feel like he forgave me a little. I told him I would come back to his apartment but he had to promise me he wouldn’t kiss me again. Once we were in the comfort of his home we talked some more. When the sun started to rise I realized it was time to get a little bit of sleep before I drove back to my moms house. So I crashed on his couch. He kept his promise and didn’t kiss me again.. even though I wanted him to. I left the next morning feeling relieved, giddy and hopeful.